Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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