I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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