I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
