I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
