weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
