she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Im part way to drunk.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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