Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
