I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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