will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
