have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Randomize
