3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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