I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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