Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Farmville is her only friend.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
