I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
