return my video game
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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