There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
we made out on top of his cat.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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