Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize