I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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