my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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