I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
