The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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