My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
