You smell like a Billy Joel song
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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