I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
