i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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