Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
