I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
