I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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