I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
