that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize