I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
