Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
