I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
