Jerry, you need to find god
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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