is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
