Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize