At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
