So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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