I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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