i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize