Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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