i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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