We got so high we made milksteak
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize