Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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