I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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