I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
