I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I didn't shave. On purpose
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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