So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
