don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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