Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
