Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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