having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
