She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
