she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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