I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
