3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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