She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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