Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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