Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
