I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
