Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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