the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
