The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
porn star boner night. come get it.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
