why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
