At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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