im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Never joke about your clitoris.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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