alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You've changed since you got that strap on
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
