What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
