everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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