so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
