Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
