R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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